my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
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