Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
