Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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