I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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