i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
