Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize