when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
There's always time for handjobs
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
