Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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