Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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