new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she peed on how many people?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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