When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
