He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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