who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
