so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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