the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
