Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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