I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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