My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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