Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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