Fuck appropriateness.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
