she was so not down for the gang bang
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
