I wannas sexs uuuuu
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
