Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
