Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
