I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
