Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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