1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
