Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
