Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
