It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
