Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
