yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
