HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
