It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
