Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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