Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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