When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
