so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
