About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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