So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
