The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
