A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
