Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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