if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
the night ended with taco bell and tears
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
