If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
