There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
