i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i drank out of a bidet.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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