So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
