I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Pants are for mortals
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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