i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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