Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
