Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
