Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
