I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
