FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
