So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
