I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize