OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
