At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
