i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
