Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
