Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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